A New Deal
by MKRG
Summary: Jack and Daniel must negotiate with representatives from another planet. An unsuspecting case of neglect throws a wrench into their plans. Oneshot just for fun.


"Certainly, right this way." Daniel gestured toward the exit and led the group out of the Gate room. General O'Neill fell into step with one of the delegates from P4X-966, a potential ally and trading partner. The other delegate followed courteously behind, enraptured with his new surroundings.

"Is your entire world like this?" the older delegate asked, also intrigued.

Daniel replied, "Uhh, no. This is just one way that our structures can look. Some of them are actually quite beautiful." Their guests nodded.

As they roamed quietly down the hall, the base alarm blared, making the delegates jump. "What is that?" the younger one exclaimed. His eyes were wide as saucers.

"Oh, nothing to worry about," Jack started, "just an alarm to let us know someone's arriving."

The older delegate clasped his hands together. "Perhaps we can negotiate for one of these 'alarms'."

Daniel and Jack shared a look. "Yeah, sure, you bethca." Vala turned the corner running. She pushed passed them quickly with a nod and headed for the Gate room. "Hey!" Jack called after her.

She slowed momentarily to twirl and yell, "Hi Jack!" She turned and continued on her path as if she had never been interrupted. Jack nodded his head in approval. Daniel rolled his eyes.

Soon they were upon Daniel's office, where the artifact they would show the delegates rested. If they could convince the representatives of the artifact's worth, then a suitable trading agreement would be underway in no time. When Daniel turned the corner that led to his door, he was annoyed to find it wide open. He furrowed his brow and paused.

Jack paid the door no mind. He moved ahead of Daniel, gesturing the delegates to do the same. It was in that moment that Daniel realized his mistake. "Uhh, Jack, wait!" But it was too late. The three men had already entered his office. When Daniel caught up just a moment later, he turned beet red with embarrassment. They were all staring at his desk.

Pop music was blaring out of a small boombox. A half-empty Starbucks cup sat precariously on the edge, surrounded by a wet ring of condensation. Papers from a report littered the surface, half-covering the artifact they were all meant to see. But the worst part was turned conveniently toward the surprised eyes of the room's occupants. A Victoria's Secret catalogue, open to the clearance section for thongs and bikinis.

Jack coughed. "Daniel," he started in a warning tone.

"Uhh, uhh…" He squeezed into the room and began gathering the papers that obscured the artifact from view. He hastily pulled them together in a neat stack, nervously tapping them on the desk to straighten them out.

"Daniel." The warning grew more severe.

The delegates muttered something unintelligible to each other. Daniel slammed his hand down on the boombox, effectively silencing it. He grabbed the coffee cup and moved it elsewhere. The delegates continued to mumble. Jack glanced at them briefly. _Oy._

In one fluid motion, Daniel scooped up the offending catalogue and gently moved the artifact into better view. He didn't notice the delegates' eyes following the catalogue to its resting place underneath a heavy stack of books. He sighed.

"My most humble apologies, sirs. Here is the object that you wished to examine. As you can see…" Daniel's attempts to distract the delegates from his disaster of a desk failed.

"Dr. Jackson," the older one said, "what was that?" He pointed toward the catalogue.

"Pictures," Jack answered, "just pictures. Let's a take a look at this artifact, shall we?"

"I have never seen such detailed drawings before," the younger man said.

Jack and Daniel shared another look. This civilization hadn't developed photography or anything like it yet. "Yes, well, this object was recovered from…"

"Can we see those pictures again?" the elder delegate asked.

Daniel's mouth opened and closed. This time Jack openly voiced, "Oy." He sent a menacing look Daniel's way.

_I am going to kill her_, the archaeologist thought. "Perhaps another time would be best. Now the reason you are here…"

"Is no longer relevant," the older one interrupted gruffly.

Before he could explain, Vala dashed back in. She nodded politely to the guests and ignored Daniel's glare. It was Jack's look that made her pause. She tilted her head. Jack never got mad at her.

The delegates' eyes swept over her. They looked at each other. "Perhaps those drawings are of her. Dr. Jackson, are you an artist as well?" the younger one queried. Jack forced his hand to stay put, lest it slap his forehead. Confused offworlders were a pain.

Vala, who was instantly confused herself, turned toward Daniel. "Artist?"

Daniel smiled patiently at his guests. He grabbed Vala's hand and pulled her toward him. He whispered, "Take your damn catalogue and get out of here!" As he said the words, she noticed it peeking out from underneath his dusty texts.

She smiled dubiously. Her mind instantly made the necessary connections and she knew what was going on. Her hands gingerly pulled the catalogue out of its hiding place. She rolled it slightly to obscure the cover and held it behind her back when she turned. "Honored guests," she addressed the delegates before anyone could stop her, "please excuse my dear Dr. Jackson. He's a little…" She made a flippant gesture with her hand. Jack and Daniel looked horrified and confused. It was amazing how Vala could derail negotiations with the flick of a hand.

The older delegate clapped his hands together loudly. He chuckled, "Ahh, so you are shy, I see. Please, Dr. Jackson, there is no need for shame here. We, too, honor the female form!" Daniel's eyes went wide. The delegate leaned in to address Vala more quietly. "And what an exquisite subject to portray." Vala smiled at the compliment.

The younger delegate spoke up. "It is quite obvious that your world has much more to offer than we originally thought. Tell me, are there many artists here like you? If so, we would commission them to create more fine drawings such as those," he pointed to the catalogue Vala was hiding, "and agree to trade with you our large stores of naquedah in return!"

Jack stepped forward. "Let me get this straight. You're willing to pay naquedah for Daniel's naughty pictures?"

Vala grinned. Daniel turned red and glared at both her and Jack.

"Hmm, I am not familiar with the term, 'naughty.' Is that what you call that type of art?"

"Oh for cryin' out loud," Daniel muttered to himself.

Vala cut in with, "Yes. We'll take the deal." She moved forward to shake hands with the suddenly happy delegates. And just moments before they had been so subdued. She obliged them with a closer look at her catalogue. They ooed and aahed as she led them out of Daniel's office. "We'll see you in the briefing room," she called out to Jack and Daniel.

Recovering from his great surprise, Jack shoved his hands into his pockets. "You know, I had my doubts, but that one is a keeper."

Daniel, whose red glow subsided slightly, turned to him in shock. "What?"

"She's a pro, Danny-boy. Just when we thought we didn't have a chance in hell at getting that naquedah, she woos those dirty old men with pictures. Pictures, Daniel!"

"No, that's just crazy."

They began to walk out of the office. The General ignored his comment. "Is that what she's been swiping your credit card for? Damn well better be for you." A look of indignation crossed Daniel's face.

"Jack."

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Nope, Daniel, I think the entire base deserves to know what a creative negotiator that little space pirate is," He smirked as he added, "…and your contribution to the whole process!" He slapped Daniel on the back and walked forward briskly. Daniel paused in horrified shock.

"Jack. Jack! Generals shouldn't spread rumors!"

The General called out behind him, "No need for rumors when you've got the truth."

END


End file.
